Really Bad Eggs
by Angel Tsuiraku
Summary: (PG-language) Two years after the movie, Jack and the crew of the Black Pearl are forced to re-lift the curse after leaving the gold out in the open by the extremely strange crew of an extremely unlucky ship...


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O.k.a.y,, here's chapter one! Remember, we're first-timers, so please don't throw things. Reviews are WELCOME! Encouraged, cheered, praised…in other words, we love them, so if you've got a minute, write one for us. Thank you! Hope you like it.

D.i.s.c.l.a.i.m.e.r: This is Disney's, not ours…I'm no where near clever enough to come up with Jack Sparrow. But we have borrowed the characters to write this NONPROFIT fic…so…thanks, Disney! Please don't sue!

SPECIAL THANKS TO MICHELE, THE CO-AUTHOR!

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Really Bad…Eggs?

For two years, the gold sat out in the open, concealed in the cave at La Isla de Muerta, atop its pile of lesser treasure. For two years, the excitement that had filled the lives of a humble blacksmith and a dashing pirate had faded. The _Black Pearl_ had disappeared over the horizon and ne'er returned, and the blacksmith had settled into real life once more. Piracy continued on the high seas, despite Commodore Norrington's best attempts to choke it out, and it would seem, for a while at least, that nothing would change.

Yet fate has a sense of ironic humor. For though she had survived undead pirates and deserted islands and several sword fights, Elizabeth Swann-Turner fell prey to consumption and had slowly died. There was nothing anyone could do, for in those days there was no cure for the disease. In desperation and grief, Will Turner turned to the ocean at last, and after a stay at Tortuga that lasted nearly a month, he rejoined Captain Jack Sparrow and allowed himself, for the first time, to truly follow in his father's footsteps, bootlegged though they might be.

And again life continued, until one minor skirmish led to an adventure that neither Jack or Will had expected, or indeed even wanted…and it all landed in their laps on Will's twentieth birthday. For a small vessel, a pirate ship like theirs, was to cross their path, and from there on nothing would be the same.

*

"Pirates! Pirates off the starboard bow!" came the watch's call.

"Shit." Alhanna, first mate of the _Lady Luck_, lunged for the railing, leaning out as far as she could to catch a glimpse of the pirates.

"Captain! It looks like…it looks like the _Black Pearl!_"

"_Shit!"_ With that decorative comment, Alhanna turned to regard her captain. "What should we do?"

The captain—a beautiful young women named Maria Victoria—merely gazed calmly at the approaching shop. After a moment's silent deliberation, she met Alhanna's brightly questioning eyes.

"We wait. Load the cannons, I want those sails down _now_, take your stations—prepare to be boarded," she said. Alhanna turned and snapped the orders to the crew, then checked her pistol.

"Alhanna, take the helm—make sure they stay in our sights. Don't let them broadside us without presenting a target."

Taking the helm, Alhanna maneuvered the ship to properly meet the _Pearl_. All aboard knew the threat of its crew, and all had heard the stories surrounding its captain. Alhanna, who'd taken to the seas young, felt a sense of hopelessness that she tried hard to mask from the others.

"Heavy fog fast approaching!"

Biting her tongue against the impulse to tell the watch she could see that for herself, Alhanna kept the ship steady. From below, in the ship's galley, the sole male crewmember emerged.

"Bloody hell, woman," he said in a rare show of temper, "what's all the jerking around abou—is that the _Black Pearl_?"

Alhanna smiled grimly, eyes on the other ship. "Aye."

"Then we're to be boarded?"

"Looks that way."

Louie O'Malley had been a rich man once, not so long ago. The _Lady Luck_ had been his purchase, but he took better to cooking than captaining. Instead, he resided below decks, the sole male and only person older than thirty on the ship. Yet even he was aware of the danger they were now in.

Though the _Pearl_ had stopped destroying entire towns nearly two years before, it was still very much a pirate ship in every sense of the word, and it continued to prey on other ships—merchant and pirate alike—at will. Which meant that the _Lady's_ hold full of plunder was at a very real risk.

Finally, the _Pearl_ had drawn within boarding distance. Alhanna drew her weapons and anchored the helm as the captain called for the crew to open fire with the long-nines.

*

"Jack, it looks like they're—" Will started, but was cut off by the roar of several cannons being fired.

"Bloody hell!" Jack Sparrow—or rather, _Captain _Jack Sparrow—narrowed his eyes at the opposing vessel. "I didn't get the _Pearl_ back just so some toy boat could blow holes in it."

Will shook his head and rolled his eyes. Jack would never change. He watched as the older man snapped orders to the "scallywags" behind him. The crew was already in action returning fire and readying ropes for the boarding. Though Jack was irked by the cannon fire, there was a light in his eyes and Will knew the other was thrilled.

He had to admit that he, too, was lost in the rush that was pirating. They'd been waiting for days to run across a ship to plunder, and now the moment had come. He seized a rope and met Jack's eyes. Smirking as if amused by some private joke, Jack also took a rope.

"You'll learn yet, dear William," he said, then swung far out over the railing. Will chuckled as the other went down hard on his knees on the other deck, then launched himself (with much more grace) into the air after him. No sooner had he landed—on his feet, what's more—than he was faced with a loaded gun. His gaze followed the barrel of the pistol, up a jacketed arm, over a small shoulder, and up into a flamingly cold (AngNote: aha! Figure that one out!) blue gaze. Beside him, Jack faced the same while struggling to stand. The older man peered into the face of his captor, lips pursed slightly, then reeled back in more than a bit of surprise.

"Bloody hell—she's a…a woman!" he managed.

The captain smiled thinly. "Good of you to notice."

Will risked a glance from the woman before him to the lady captain, and then around the deck to the whole crew—all warily watching the _Pearl_'s men.

"Jack," he murmured somewhat dryly, "they're all women."

"I beg your pardon," put in the middle-aged man standing off to the side.

"Welcome about the _Lady Luck_, gentlemen," said Will's captor, her blue eyes bright with grim humor. "My name is Alhanna, and you, Jack Sparrow—"

"Captain!" the said pirate injected.

"—can tell your crew to disarm and step back from the cannons."

"Yes, yes…" Jack looked over his shoulder. "Alright, you scurvy dogs, you heard the—" he faltered, then continued—"the lady."

"Jack," Will muttered, aware that something wasn't quite right about the quick surrender, "we're being captured."

"Yes," was the exasperated reply. "I'd noticed."

Maria Victoria tossed her gun to Louie, who had moved to stand on her right, and stepped forward to disarm Jack.

"Easy on the goods, luv," he commented cheerily, a grin showing off his motley collection of teeth. She narrowed her eyes at him and tugged away his gun, dirk, cutlace and jacket without finesse.

"Louie, if you would be so kind as to escort these men to the brig," she said, and turned on her heel to address her crew. Will, too, found himself being disarmed by the blue-eyed Alhanna. When she was done, she turned to the crew of the _Pearl_ who were leaning against the railing, waiting for orders from Jack. Gibbs looked, Will noted, particularly unhappy, but Anamaria looked almost as if she wanted to join the _Lady_'s crew.

"Gentlemen and," Alhanna smiled and dipped her head to the _Pearl_'s sole female crewmate, "good lady, we will be taking Mr. Sparrow—"

"CAPTAIN!"

"—and his companion under our supervision. Do have a good day, and when we're done with Mr. Sparrow—"

"Captain!" Jack was waving his arms about, seriously distressed, and Will was fighting his amusement down valiantly.

"—we'll let he and his companion, unharmed, off of our ship at Tortuga."

For a moment, the _Pearl_'s crew looked rebellious, but they'd noticed how quickly Will and Jack had been taken prisoner and how many guns the _Lady_ had along her side.

Jack sighed. "Go on, Anamaria. Take the helm and see what you can do about the fresh holes in the _Pearl_'s side."

Reluctantly, Anamaria did as ordered, and protesting rather strongly himself, Gibbs directed the crew back to their stations. Slowly, much more so than it had approached, the _Black Pearl_ eased away. Louie took a firm hold of both Will and Jack and steered them below decks. Alhanna's eyes remained on the _Pearl_ and Maria Victoria moved back toward the helm.

"That was easier than I thought," she commented to her first mate. Alhanna smiled a little.

"They didn't all board at once—must be some weird custom to let the captain go first on their ship." Her smile faded. "Captain, they'll be following us at the least."

"Most definitely," the other agreed. "We took them by surprise in our little skirmish, but given time to regroup, I've no doubt they'll attack again. However, I've got some questions for Mr. Sparrow. He may very well offer us the assistance of his marvelous ship after he's heard what I have to say."

Alhanna didn't look convinced, but she nodded. "You'll just have to ask those questions quickly."

Maria Victoria laughed. "Indeed. Take the helm, Alhanna…I'm adjourning to my quarters."

"Aye, Captain," Alhanna agreed with a smile, and obediently took the helm. "Alright, ladies, sails to full, and someone get on the patching. I want that hold as good as new. Hustle!"

*

"Well, this isn't go quite as planned," Will commented. He glanced at Jack, who seemed rather unperturbed considering they'd been tossed in a brig—again.

"Relax, Will," the other replied. "This will turn to our advantage. If," he added with a pointed look in the younger man's direction, "we wait for the opportune moment."

Will tried hard not to roll his eyes, didn't quite manage, and came back with a smart comment of his own.

"You're not happy unless you're in a brig, are you?"

Jack's eyes met his and he shrugged. "It's only when someone else manages to do something rather…" another pointed look, "_stupid_."

Will, unsure of how to respond, simply fell silent and stared out blankly at the far wall. Jack settled himself and examined the bonds that kept his wrists clasped firmly together. There was a long moment of silence, and then Will turned his head and gazed sharply at the pirate.

"You knew this would happen," he said, his brown eyes narrowed. Jack made a few motions with his bound arms, then nodded.

"Yes," he agreed, and he turned to look at the younger man.

"You planned on it—that's why only the two of us had boarded. You knew the captain would be waiting."

"You're right, you know…you _aren't_ a simpleton," Jack commented. "Yes, I had counted on our getting caught. Though I had no idea the entire crew was made up of women."

"So…why?" Will asked. Jack gave a cheeky grin.

"We're a bit closer to the hold now, aren't we?" he replied. Will did roll his eyes that time.

"You know that I know we're not sitting in this brig to loot the hold. Why are we really here?"

Jack shifted uncomfortably. "Has anyone told you, dear William, that you ask far too many questions?"

"I simply think—"

"Gentlemen." Louie stood in the doorway. "I don't supposed the two of you would care for a bite?"

Jack rose somewhat less than gracefully to his feet. His eyes narrowed and he leaned back, lips pursed as he regarded the cook.

"That bite wouldn't happen to be in the captain's quarters…" He leaned forward, bracing himself against the brig's bars. "Would it?"

"As a matter of fact," Louie said with a smile, "it would. Compliments of me."

Will also rose, moving to stand beside Jack, who had flopped onto his side against the bars and seemed to be considering, fingers pressed to his mouth.

"Alright," he exclaimed, turning forward once more and flourishing his bound arms. "We'll go."

"And he says _I_ do stupid things," Will muttered under his breath, and followed after Louie and Jack as they left the brig. He had to admit he was slightly curious about what was to be discussed in the captain's quarters, if the first mate would be there…and how long it would take the _Pearl _to catch up.


End file.
